Human nature

Beast and I are planning to climb Mount Fuji this September, by which I mean Beast is planning to climb Mount Fuji this September and I am waiting for an opportune moment to sprain my ankle or otherwise incapacitate myself so that I don’t have to climb Mount Fuji this September. But in the meantime, I am playing along with our “training programme”, part of which took place yesterday.

First, we set off too late and realised when we were on the train that we would not have time to get up the intended mountain before nightfall. Not to worry, a quick change of plans and trains put us on the right course for mountain B. As we neared it, we realised that Beast’s bag was still on the train to mountain A. When Beast finally stopped shaking his head in disbelief and calling himself a “stupid fucking cunt”, we called various Japan Rail offices to report the loss of the bag and went about our business, Beast wearing a newly purchased hat and my sunglasses, and occasionally grumbling about some “fucking twat” under his breath.

After a while, Mother Nature worked her magic on Beast’s troubled soul and he forgot about his inner twat and began chuntering away about leaves instead. We dipped our tootsies in a bubbling stream, scrambled across ancient tree roots and inhaled the scent of pine and cedar. At the top, we were rewarded with a lovely view of the slippery customer herself and a message from the efficient people at Japan Rail, who had not only located Beast’s bag, but also taken it to the station he would be passing through the next morning so he could pick it up.